Seafood Melody Linguine

Difficulty: easy

Going to an East Asian market is always an experience. The smell, the narrow aisles, and the horrific sight of seeing raw meat in buckets really make you wonder why the health department have allowed this place to be open. But who cares, they have cheap frozen seafood and that is all that matters.

This recipe is going to have a shit load of seafood, so don’t try to make it unless you like seafood… duh! I used a frozen seafood melody because it is cheap, I got this dirty looking 1 kg (2.2 lbs) bag for like $ 5.99! But if you want to splurge a little then go and buy the frozen seafood separately, it tastes so much better. And if you got bills like Kanye then you can even go and buy the fresh variety. I don’t, and neither do you. That’s why you’re here. Lets begin.



2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

3 tbsp butter

1 medium onion (chopped)

5 cloves garlic (peeled and crushed)

250 g baby portobello mushrooms (washed and sliced)

1 cup shrimp 20170211_192512

1/2 cup squid rings or calamari

1/2 cup octopus (chopped)

1/2 cup small scallops

1/2 cup small oysters

1/2 cup Chardonnay (or white wine vinegar)

1 tsp Italian seasoning

2 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp white pepper

1 lemon’s zest and juice

1/2 cup sour cream (or heavy cream)

1 box of linguine



If you can afford a large saute pan, then that’s great. If not then a regular pot would do just fine. I do not advise using a skillet since there will be a lot of sauce. I can’t afford a saute pan so I used the same pot which I use for all of my dishes.

Heat the olive oil and butter on high heat. It always best to use butter since the aroma will tell your loud neighbors that you are cooking actual food while they are eating shitty Top Ramen noodles.


Add the chopped onions and crushed garlic. Saute them until they turn brown, this will take about 15 minutes.


Add the portobello mushrooms and cook until they are soft, about 5 minutes.


Add the shrimp for a few minutes until they are pink. Then add the squid, octopus, scallops and oysters. Mix. If you are using the mix seafood melody like me, then just put everything together. Make sure you drained them well because they will release a lot of water.


Add the Chardonnay, spices, and lemon zest and juice and bring to a boil. Lower the heat to a simmer and let it cook for 10 minutes so the sauce reduces slightly. Now I have no quantifiable volumes, just let it reduce. The sauce will still be super liquidy and you will wonder why you didn’t drain the seafood more before putting it in. You might even contemplate suicide, but don’t take drastic actions just yet!


Add the sour cream and mix until even. It would be better if you added heavy cream which is like 60% fat, it gives a creamier taste but I didn’t have it and I sure wasn’t going to go and buy it.


Now take it off the heat and let it rest, the sauce will reduce much more.


Boil the linguine like it says on the box and serve it it with the seafood sauce. You can garnish it with parsley flakes and asiago cheese shavings on top. Now this would feed about three people, but I just ate it myself and saved the rest for the next day. Seafood pairs well with a sweet white wine, I suggest the Chardonnay.




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