Garlic and Herb Crusted Rack of Lamb

A recipe like this requires you to break the bank and spend that sweet money on buying a rack of lamb. A rack of lamb is arguably the best part of the animal because it has that incredibly tender rib eye in the center and it the crown jewel of any dinner party. Since I am not going to spend $17 on barely one pound of meat, I went to a local farm and bought an entire 120 pound lamb for just a hundred dollars and got about 50 pounds of meat including two complete racks. I frenched one and made the other into lamb rib eye steaks. Sure I got drenched in blood and shit and it took about three hours on heavy labor and came home looking like a serial killer, but it was worth it. Expect to see a lot of lamb recipes in the near future.


Reverse Sear Steak with Butter and Rosemary

So according to those pompous steak gourmets, the only way to eat a steak is grilling it with salt and pepper to a temperature of medium rare. But I don't have space to have a grill in my apartment. And I'm definitely not driving to the park to wait for those rich Imperialist families to finish their barbecue so I can go and sneak some of those used hot coals, never again! Instead I'm going to buy a nice N.Y. strip loin for $6.95 and dine on it in the most exclusive restaurant in New York State: Hotel Delicatessen du BrokeButFancy. The next best way to cook a steak is by a method called reserve searing, basically you bake it in the oven at a low temperature and then sear the fuck out of it! This is definitely better than the simple pan searing method and limits the chances of error because it is cooked so slowly. It is especially good for thicker steaks (about 2 inches wide) because they are cooked more evenly. This method is time consuming but can be set into place before your guests arrive (if you have any) and requires no resting period so the steak will be hot when it reaches the table. One more tip: never wash a good piece of meat with water, make sure you buy the meat from a hygienic source and let the blood juices tenderize the meat for you.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

This sweet and sour chicken is a weird combination of food, but it wasn't always so. These damn Western spies took the traditional Chinese sweet and sour sauce, which is a mixture of vinegar and honey, and forged something so ridiculous but tasty. As the name suggests in the Western influenced recipe, we add a sweet component (the pineapple) and a sour component (cooking wine or soya sauce) to the chicken and peppers. You may be tempted to swipe that pineapple from your neighbor's retirement fruit basket for this recipe but don't! The best results come from the canned variety since it already comes with pineapple juice. A lot of people use ketchup to get the strong red color of this food, but I really advise using sirachi or any chili garlic sauce since it will taste a hundred times better.

Slow Cooker Chicken Noodle Soup

I know what you are thinking, Chicken Noodle Soup isn't fancy. I disagree. If you think that it isn't fancy then I'm sorry your Highness, you aren't really broke. This is an original American dish and the chicken used for this soup is supposed to be from old chickens whose meat is too tough for regular consumption. A true broke man's dinner. Use it as an appetizer or a main course, it depends if there is anything else to eat or not.

Bulgogi Beef Ribs

My Dad used to take me to nice restaurants. We always went to a place called Black Ox for ribs whenever we visited Toronto, honestly the best beef ribs I've ever had. You can chew them with your tongue and the sweet Bulgogi sauce is to die for. I wanted to eat them again but the cheap local steak house just doesn't compare. I could try the nice restaurants but I'm not going to pay $50 for a single serving of ribs.