Garlic and Herb Crusted Rack of Lamb

A recipe like this requires you to break the bank and spend that sweet money on buying a rack of lamb. A rack of lamb is arguably the best part of the animal because it has that incredibly tender rib eye in the center and it the crown jewel of any dinner party. Since I am not going to spend $17 on barely one pound of meat, I went to a local farm and bought an entire 120 pound lamb for just a hundred dollars and got about 50 pounds of meat including two complete racks. I frenched one and made the other into lamb rib eye steaks. Sure I got drenched in blood and shit and it took about three hours on heavy labor and came home looking like a serial killer, but it was worth it. Expect to see a lot of lamb recipes in the near future.


Reverse Sear Steak with Butter and Rosemary

So according to those pompous steak gourmets, the only way to eat a steak is grilling it with salt and pepper to a temperature of medium rare. But I don't have space to have a grill in my apartment. And I'm definitely not driving to the park to wait for those rich Imperialist families to finish their barbecue so I can go and sneak some of those used hot coals, never again! Instead I'm going to buy a nice N.Y. strip loin for $6.95 and dine on it in the most exclusive restaurant in New York State: Hotel Delicatessen du BrokeButFancy. The next best way to cook a steak is by a method called reserve searing, basically you bake it in the oven at a low temperature and then sear the fuck out of it! This is definitely better than the simple pan searing method and limits the chances of error because it is cooked so slowly. It is especially good for thicker steaks (about 2 inches wide) because they are cooked more evenly. This method is time consuming but can be set into place before your guests arrive (if you have any) and requires no resting period so the steak will be hot when it reaches the table. One more tip: never wash a good piece of meat with water, make sure you buy the meat from a hygienic source and let the blood juices tenderize the meat for you.

Chicken with Creamy Spinach Sauce

So I was looking at my fridge and the only thing in it was a couple chicken thighs, an almost empty container of sour cream, and a bag of frozen spinach. I sat and wondered what I could make and the only thing that came to my mind was this recipe. This is one of those recipes you can whip up on a moment's notice with minimal ingredients to serve to your un-welcomed dinner guests so they can be on their way. But what if you don't have any dinner guests? What if you have no one who ever comes to your place because you are such poor company and your cry yourself to sleep because of the loneliness? Then stay strong my friend, neither do it. Just make this dish, post it on social media, or better yet, start a blog.

Chicken Masala

Indian foods have a lot of aromatic spices and this dish is no exception. "Masala" literally means spice. I really like this dish and order a variant of it when ever I go to Indian restaurants, but the biggest issue I have with them are they are drowning in orange colored oil. This is the beauty of cooking at home, you can customize the recipe however you want AND it is cheaper. For the price of one serving at a mediocre restaurant, you can make an entire dinner for four (or four meals meals for yourself). The special ingredient for this recipe is cardamom, its distinct taste gives a floral aroma to the dish.

Japanese Teriyaki Chicken

Teriyaki means to grill something and then shine it with soya sauce. It was commonly used for fish in Japan but has expanded to white meats like chicken and pork. My recipe slightly modifies the grilling process and suggests to shallow fry it for an added texture and let the chicken sit in the sauce for a long time to absorb the flavors and become tender. The key to this recipe is to get the perfect soya sauce to honey ratio, luckily for me I was able to infiltrate a gang of chefs in Tokyo with my knowledge of Toriko that they just gave it to me. Sounds like I'm say spewing random words, but that is exactly how it happened.

Tandoori Chicken (Indian Chicken Roast)

A tandoor is a type of oven, imagine a big pit lined with bricks with an open fire below. It is used to make a variety of flatbreads or roasting meats in South and Central Asia. Tandoori chicken originated from the Indian Subcontinent and quite obviously needs to be roasted in any kind of oven. I'm obviously referring to Gordon Ramsay's pan fried abomination, but it's not the like this is the first time the English have shown complete disregard for Indian traditions. This recipe requires a lot of South Asian spices which might not be readily available from Dollar General (your regular grocery and clothing store) and require a lot of investment. I have all of them because I cook a lot of Indian food and this method is much cheaper in the long run, but if you are just making this once to impress that Indian girl who friend-zoned you ages ago then I suggest you go to your local Indian store and purchase a single box of ready-made Tandoori Masala. Shaan is by far the best tasting and only costs $1.25.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

This sweet and sour chicken is a weird combination of food, but it wasn't always so. These damn Western spies took the traditional Chinese sweet and sour sauce, which is a mixture of vinegar and honey, and forged something so ridiculous but tasty. As the name suggests in the Western influenced recipe, we add a sweet component (the pineapple) and a sour component (cooking wine or soya sauce) to the chicken and peppers. You may be tempted to swipe that pineapple from your neighbor's retirement fruit basket for this recipe but don't! The best results come from the canned variety since it already comes with pineapple juice. A lot of people use ketchup to get the strong red color of this food, but I really advise using sirachi or any chili garlic sauce since it will taste a hundred times better.

Ramen (Japanese Noodle Soup)

Every person who is broke knows what instant ramen is, how to cook it, and when to eat it. I'm making a fancier version for that special occasion you have more than a dollar in your pocket or for when you're tired of eating that 35 cent a pack, three-for-a-dollar, Top Ramen which is probably all the time. I always think about  the immoral lyrics of Filthy Frank when ever I cook ramen, here they are: "We got chicken and beef to boost the manhood; Anybody want a piece of me will have to get this ramen first; Start with the shrimp and then the fire; If you're fully blazed then this shit'll get you higher; Thirty-five cents a pack, three for a dollar; Unbelievable pricing that's the future of a blue collar worker; And I'm talkin' bout ramen; This shit'll fill you up when you're feeling like an African" This song perfectly symbolizes what instant ramen is and how it has helped our young professional progress in society. I am using shrimp in my recipe, but it can be done using almost any cooked protein.

Beef and Sausage Lasagna

Lasagna is a pretty fancy dish, even by Italian standards, so it is quite understandable that it will take a lot of effort and a lot of ingredients. Now, I know you're wondering "I will have have to buy two different meats for this three meat lasagna and convince people it's a four meat lasagna". No fear, broke-man is here! For the ground beef, you can go to a fancy store and buy the 93/7 lean beef but why bother? Even the 80/20 is too expensive for my wallet. I go for the 73/27 ground beef tube from Walmart, nothing beats the extremely processed foods you buy over there. The other meat is sausage, you can substitute it with cheap ground up hotdogs. I suggest Bar S Franks since they are only $1 per pound. Sure, they have been recalled a few times but does that really bother you? I've made this dish about twenty times and I have come to perfect it according to my palate. One of the biggest mistakes that first time lasagna makers make is that they don't bake the lasagna long enough or don't let it set for 20 minutes before serving. This makes it too watery and the lasagna becomes a soup when you eat it.